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| Hi. It's been a long time. My girlfriend left, and for some reason I am completely fine with that. It's been about a month now. I feel bad for not feeling bad. She's still hanging on to it, but there's nothing you can do but move on, I guess. I met this girl in St. Paul when I was playing a show up there on Nov. 12th, not even a two weeks after my girlfriend left. I had never had a one night stand, but this girl was like an angel. A crazy, crazy angel. It was easily one of the most messed up nights in my life. I saw her and another girl go at it for awhile. I won't get into details but it was awkward. Not for the fact that I didn't want to watch, believe me, I did. But for the simple fact there was another guy in the room..who happens to be one of my best friends. Yea. Awkward. But after the two girls were done, she came and found me and we definitely got down. On a couch. In a loft. Above where 3 other people were sleeping. Again..very awkward. Needless to say, the next day there were no highfives, no fistpounds, no congratulations. Just one, long hot shower when I got home. Well, she just came to town on Thanksgiving and I went and picked her up. She explained to me that she has made ex-boyfriends lose their jobs and shot down their life goals in one fell swoop before. Something about how crazy this girl is really make me worry, but something inside of me loves the hell out of it. Now, I've been with crazy girls before, so I'm no stranger to how ridiculous things get. I once dated a girl that stuck razorblades in a teddybear when she went to the psych ward so she could continue to cut herself and one time maced me just to see my reaction. I should have learned, but no, of course..old habits die hard. Anyways, after picking her up at 1:45 in the morning, getting lost and pissing in a dirt road almost a half hour out of town, I realized I was heading in the wrong direction. All I could think was "God damn you, Mapquest". I turned around, found the place, and it was on. I drove us back to my house, without a problem. We watched a movie and listened to some music, talking the whole time. Now, after explaining all this to me about her ex-boyfriends, it made me happy to know that she was steadily getting more and more drunk. How the hell did I get so lucky to find an incredibly attractive, young (she's 20 and I just turned 23), crazy girl to land in my lap? I don't know if luck had anything to do with it. I mean, I snuck this girl out of her house at 2 in the morning and brought her back at 7. She's already got me doing ridiculous things. I think I may have found myself something that I don't know if I can really handle. She lives in St. Paul, which is the plus side cause shes three and a half hours away, so theres not that constant urge to hang out. On the downside, she left Friday and I'm already planning a trip up to St. Paul this Weekend. The sad thing is, I don't mind. All I know is that something inside of me cannot let this one go. She's nice and all, but god damn, is she crazy. We'll see where this one takes me, and I will be sure to keep you updated on this as shit happens. She has been texting me constantly since we first met, though. I have made it a point to not swear this entire blog, but I feel I have to end it with one question. What the fuck? | | |
| Last night was a shitshow if I've ever seen one. She was out at the bar, and she said she didn't hear any of my calls, which is crap considering it would ring once and go straight to her voicemail. Then when she did finally call me, three hours later, her drunk friend kept talking to me and I was just not in the mood for it. 'oh she loves you, oh my god she never stops talking about you, your the greatest person for her'. Sometimes it just doesn't seem that way though. I went down to meet her parents last weekend in Colorado (where shes at now) and the whole time I was down there, I felt like a burden..she hardly acknowledged me and we fought the whole time, and we have never, ever had an argument up to that point. I left on Tuesday and it seemed like she was pushing me out the door, for me to spend 23 hours on a greyhound dwelling on that. I've talked to her a total of maybe 4 hours, if that, since I left. I told her how I felt and she told me I was being selfish. Pardon me, but I think you're the one being selfish. Last night I got a little too drunk, and a little too angry, and said some stupid shit, and somehow she forgave me for it, which is huge. She was originally planning on coming back on January 4th, which is still a ways out. I've been trying to convince her to come back for New Year's, which I don't think is gonna happen. She told me shes not gonna tell me if shes coming back because she likes to "watch me squirm". She tells me to put me in her shoes, seeing people she hasn't seen sance July. Fine, I understand that, but don't forget about me. Every day she sleeps in so I can't talk to her, because every night she goes out and gets drunk, thusly..I can't hold a decent conversation with her for more than 15 minutes when her drunk friends take the phone. She said shes gonna call me after she eats tonight for a 'nice long talk'. We'll just see how nice it is, I guess. At this point, honestly, I don't know how nice it's really gonna be. DF | | |
| but i don't give a shit. youre five states away and im trying to call you, you don't answer and ignore my calls. ive been cheated on before and i know me judging you isn't fair, but ya know what? i'm only human. youre getting drunk with a bunch of guys..what else can i think? thanks for making me feel like shit. thanks for pretending to care. thanks for ignoring me. thanks for talking to me no more than 20 minutes a day. thanks for lying to me. thanks for everything you've done since you've been gone. its amazing. derrick. | | |
| I lost my jobby. I'm broke as fuck. I'm going to Fort Collins in two days to meet the girlfriends parents, which I'm stoked about. I go on tour in March with no money to press my album beforehand. Maybe I'll just work the corner, that'll show em. I wanna change my rap name to Twinbee. Yea, like the game..lol. <3,
DF | | |
| Steady trying to win with an ace up my sleeve, still holding on to broken dreams. So, apparantly I actually don't update enough, like I said before. I'll get better about it. Sorry! <3. its hiphop music, but not shitty t-pain bullshit pop fuckin asshat music. the myspace url is www.myspace.com/skewmusic my name is skew, and I want to change it because not only is it a horrible name, but its also taken by a techno artist in new york who just got an album put on soundscan. So I'm fucked. I thought of this name..Dreamspeech, more of a group name than anything else. like me and another guy in dreamspeech, like ant and slug are in atmosphere. but i do like that name, and its not taken in any way, shape, or form. i'm out of ideas for a minute, but i'll update tomorrow or the next day with more music crap, then personal and so on and so fooorrtthh. <3
DF | | |
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